Expand and Not Abandon…

2.12.18

Can we just expand and not abandon us?
Abandon this.
Abandon what’s

been going on,
back and forth between us.
Stretched too far.
Snap back.
Rubberbandin’.

There was a time when I dug you so deeply…
Into a ditch,
yeah you prob’ly felt buried.
And that’s my bad.
But also my good.
That’s my balance
that’s misunderstood!

Historical reality
has pushed me through a veil to see
That what I called “love”
was just all that i was capable of.

Wasn’t unconditional but never knew
that’s what Love means.
Didn’t have acceptance
and couldn’t tolerate the distance
That was growing ever wider
from perspectives bein different.

And we didn’t want the same things.
Didn’t know tensions were raging
Below the surface,
all of this,
percolates
and re-creates
the same context for us to manifest a lesson.
But when you take it personally
it’s hard to feel the blessings.

Yeah and the healing was destined for us.
Required a separation.
Required individual to step up and through the darkest haze to see
We were cycling through a daydream
That never resulted favorably.

So now I’m cycling into the sunset
Preparing for the ride into the sunrise.

To be born new.
Be born hopeful.
Ready to stay True
To myself.
Without the
crutch of someone else.
Ready to shake the cobwebs
and become my Higher Self that I’ve been glimpsing.

Turns out support and reliance mean different things.

I am not weak, by any means.

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I Choose to Believe in You

3.17.18 new moon
[ full song at: https://soundcloud.com/katie-buttermore-1/i-choose-to-believe-in-you-demo ]

All because a butterfly flapped it’s wings
And the sympathetic resonance affects the strings
Of my guitar — and of my heart
Floating freely in the waves and dancing in the sparks

That light me up when i hear your tunes
Fire me up with them up high blues
That sweet nectar that spills from your tongue
Out into the world, where i got stung

By a creature of beauty, a source of light
Beacon calling me home any hour of the night
Anytime of day, whenever i Need, right?
Helping me to plant these seeds and fertilize

     I choose to believe in you.
and you choose to believe in you.
I choose to believe in me.
and you choose to believe in me.

See –Yo, it’s plain– it’s plain as day
You’re so extraordinary- there aren’t words to convey
But check it out, I’ma try anyway.
‘Cause what’s the best that could happen? Yeah I’ll step out the way

And let my heart speak Directly,
Lyrically setting things in motion like the sea
That in and out, of the fears and doubts
Is all washed away when we sing and we sway

Feelin the breeze of the angel wings
Lifted me up and had no choice but to sing
Cut the split ends. The cords that no longer serve.
Navigate dead ends, with a dip and a swerve

Realize the things that get on my nerves.
Are just corners to file down into curves
So the dust can be blown away. It is done.
As we form into the circle of One.

     I choose to believe in you.
     and you choose to believe in you.
     I choose to believe in me.
     and you choose to believe in me.

Okay–
let me get back to my lack of words to convey you
Lemme see if I can at least tap into your truth
Just to bear witness to it, not absorb it
Don’t want to expose it, just wanna be shown it

You’re like a sea of hope, an ocean of dreams
The waves roll from your lungs and straight into me
The roar of the waters, the whisper of the trees
That shiver when you pass ‘cause you’re so lovely

The gift of your presence is so deeply pleasant
Like it’s been distilled down into pure essence.
You’re a hard worker both internal external
Are you a night owl?– ‘cause i’m nocturnal.

     I choose to believe in you.
and you choose to believe in you.
I choose to believe in me.
and you choose to believe in me.

Snap Back

2.12.18

Can we just expand
and not abandon us?
Abandon this.
Abandon what’s

Been going on,
back and forth between us.
Stretched too far.
Snap back.
Rubberbandin’.

There was a time when I dug you so deeply.
Into a ditch, yeah you probably felt buried.
And that’s my bad.
But also my good.
That’s my balance
that’s misunderstood.

Historical reality has pushed me through a veil to see
That what I called love was just all that i was capable of.
Wasn’t unconditional but never knew -that’s what Love means.
Didn’t have acceptance and couldn’t tolerate the distance
That was growing ever wider from perspectives being different.

And we didn’t want the same things.
Didn’t know tensions were raging.
Below the surface, all of this,
percolates and re-creates
the same context for us to manifest a lesson
but when you take it personally,
it’s hard to feel the blessings.

Yeah and the healing was destined for us.
Required separation.
Required individual to step up
and through the darkest haze to see:
We were cycling through a daydream}
That never resulted favorably.

So now I’m cycling into the sunset
Preparing for the ride into the sunrise.
To be born new. Be born hopeful. Ready to stay True
To myself. Without the crutch of someone else.
That support and reliance mean different things.
Ready to shake the cobwebs
and become my Higher Self that I’ve been glimpsing.

I am not weak, by any means.

Ready. Clear.

Can we talk about that coffee
that you bought me
when i was feelin sorry
for myself
feeling foggy
but you came through for me clearly
like no doubt come from you
’bout strings attaching
to broken wings that quit their flapping
nah,
you just held us in truth.

It was a beautiful view.
You done woke me up from snooze.
There’s so much more than i ever knew.

So, Dear Heart, Thank you for All of you. I love you. Stay Warm….

Twinkle. Twinkle. All them stars in your eyes.
Sprinkle go the tears when you scatter goodbyes
from all the souls that love you. They know you try.
Shine Bright & then go hide like you do, Firefly.

I wish I may, don’t I wish I might
Be able to spend my attention on you tonight.
I’m not saying that that choice would be wise.
But I think we’d share some smiles and feel some highs.

My spirit is ready.
My heart is clear.
I am letting go my-
letting go my doubts and fears.

Because they are not mine.

And I wish you were.

You came my way as the months drew cold.
Certain voices in my bones spoke of getting old.
I was just looking for some shelter from the storm.
Wondering if you’d wrap around & keep me warm.

 

Boots Mountain Garden Lovin’

Song “Get to Work” March 2017

The work that I do is pretty far out, but darlin’ I’m always nearby.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter where I am, I’ll always be with you by and by.
By and by… Look to the sky —

For the constellations we put together
by tracing all the burning stars within each others eyes.
For the generations who have yet to come
but they walk with me in each and every stride —

I get to work! — I put my boots on.
I get to work — Walk up the mountain.
I get to work — Go tend the garden.
I get to work — and Share my lovin’
With you.

It was alarmin’, little darlin’, waking up a sunrise
With you beauty, in the mornin’, first light came from your eyes
and Then, a Spark, it drew me closer to you
To tend the wounds of all that you were going through —
But you stopped me, said this was work you had to do,
and I just smiled in return ’cause that’s why I’m so fond of you —
So profoundly caretaking the seeds of love, life, and nourishment.
Flourishing side by side, only with pure intent.

To get to work — We put our boots on.
We get to work — Walk up the mountain.
We get to work! — Go tend the Garden.
We get to work — and Share our lovin’
With the world.

We close the gaps with the bridges that we build.
In sacred maps, we share what dreams have been fulfilled.
and We sit in Circle over what dreams remain,
and What we wanna manifest — yeah — that used to sound insane.
But now I love insane!

For the constellations we put together
by tracing all the burning stars within each others eyes.
For the generations who have yet to come
but they walk with me in each and every stride —

I get to work! — I put my boots on.
I get to work — Walk up the mountain.
I get to work — Go tend the garden.
I get to work — and Share my lovin’
With the world.

Here’s to Hoping

Song. Oct. 2016. upon beginning to read Jack Kornfield’s “A Path with Heart” — 

Here’s to hoping // That our hearts are broken open.
To feel more fully // To tap into parts unspoken.
I don’t know // Where all of this is going.
But I’ma sit still // and Listen to my heart’s ocean…
The rise and fall // I know it all too well.
Even in them painful songs // I can breathe into this commotion.
and With my breath comes surrender // With this comes release.
I’m walkin’ down the path toward Freedom // This love is so beautiful, so generous…
I’m brought to my knees.

so Here’s to hoping // That our hearts completely Open.
To awaken! // and Set this love into motion.
I don’t know // Where all of this is going.
But I don’t Need to! I’ve got Faith! // The sweetest of all notions.
and Hey friends // I can see
How bright and shiny // We were born to be.
The farther we go, on down the Road // It’s inevitable. It’s beautiful —
We’re walking toward our future Selves // Constantly, magnetically attracted by our destinies!

Scream and Roar.

Sept. 2016 upon hearing my nephew’s voice for the first time, over the phone. Family on my heart. —

Times are changin’
Things are different
Wings are howlin’
So I stop and listen —

I’ma love you just the same.
Even when you shout and blame,
I’ma love you just the same.

So we drive to the forest where we park
and we get on, get out, not afraid of the dark —
This is where we were born. Where we were raised.
Where I spread our father’s ashes.
Where I spread our dog’s ashes.

Times are changin’
Things ain’t so hard
‘Cause I stopped identifyin’
As a victim —

I’ma love you more and more.
Even when you scream and roar,
I’ma love you more and more.

Just so you know — I hope you grow strong.
Just so you know — I hope you sing songs.
Or just somehow speak your thunder —
You’ve got a voice, little wonder!